*Baby love, My baby love.. lalala*

<--- 1, 2 , 3 Nawww...

KYLIE, JASON AND BLAYDE:

So things are going well at the moment for the family and my ridiculously cute God son! Or should i say Our (my partner David and I) God son.

So Jason and Kylie asked David if he would a god Parent to little Blayde Ian Grant.

I think he was so shocked. Its so sweet that they asked him. They both said that he is such an amazing guy (Duh i know guys :P hehe) and that they can really see David and i being together in the long run. (God i hope they are right, Happen to love him just a little... Ok as big as a house).

So not only am i the god mother to one of my oldest and dearest mates, My partner gets to be involved also.

And with a typical David responce his first thought was " Yes an excuse to buy "Him" a mini lap top" <- ERGO an excuse so Dave can have and play with a mini laptop :P

Blaydes going really well at the moment, part of me wants to scream it from the roof of anywhere i can access but the other part wants to keep positive and silent until our little man is out of the incubator and home safe with mum aka Fred bear and Dad aka Jace ( I know not half as cool nick name as fred bear but what are you gonna do).

Blaydes feeding well, gained weight :) and is breathing on his own, Mum finally got to hold him for the very first time. Poor little tiny baby.

He is so precious bless his little cotton socks. <-- i know i must sound clucky. Im not ! trust me! if you knew me you would know im not. i LOVE other peoples kids, Because i love being able to give them back :P hehe. Full of sugar, Hyped up with loud toys. (My friends are gonna hate me).

But its just really precious to me that so many of my friends are looking at or have opened that chapter of their lives. And they are so cute. I cant wait for some of my other friends to have kids. And dress them up (and make them love WCE footy team ... I mean What???).

Neways that a little dribble from me :)

Love me

XoXo

*When my time comes, Keep me in your memory... Leave out all the rest*

I dont understand life sometimes... Alot of the time...
Im feeling a little numb at the moment.

On Monday night 19th / Tuesday Morning 20th Melanie left...
I dont know what im feeling, which is really annoying. And to top it off its really arkward and sad.

Mum's first partner / Love of her life was Lenny. Lenny had a sister names Anita. Mum and Anita were good friends.

Mum and Lenny broke up and later mum met my Dad. Mum and Anita were still friends and fell pregnant at the same time.

Mum with Me, Anita with Melanie. We are the same age. Our mums grew up together and i for some part grew up with Melanie.

Mum and Dad split up, Dad and Anita dated later on in life (DRAMA i know)... Dad lived with Anita and Melanie and i stayed with them on the holidays..

Melanie left the other night, we dont know if it was her choice yet... But it looks that way.
Im sad for her being gone. But i am more sad for My mum and her mum.

A Parent should never have to watch their child leave... So i feel so much for Anita.
But i feel so much for my mum, not only does she love Anita and Melanie, She is over come with fear of what if it was Me...

What if she lost me and then there is the guilt for thinking that way.
I havent really accepted it yet. I know that i am numb.

I pray that Melanie just drifted in her sleep, I hope she had a great day and her last thoughts were happy, loved and safe.

I would give so much for it to be that way because i wouldnt want anyone to leave, Alone, sad and upset.

Time will tell.
I just dont understand all he spanners that are thrown into the works latly......
*Shrugs*

XOXO

*And as i walk away, I remember hearing you say "Yeah you'll be back" But i didnt come back DID I*

Im feeling a bit better than what i was yesterday and the day before.

Acturally spoke with mum last night which was good. Im still really worried about her but i dont want to rock the boat just now. I just hope she is really ok.

Have decided not to think about my friends at the moment. As cold as that sounds... I think its about time they did the running around for a change.

Im really hurt. I cant change that and i dont think i will forget this.
The worst possible thing was thrown in my face yesterday and apart of me finally gave up and let go.

I care, and because i do its so easy to throw it in my face and walk away as if nothing happened. It was pretty much the worst thing they could have said and althought time heals all wounds i wont quickly forget that.

Spoke with Sammy, Jane and Donna (Omg i would be so lost without those girls) and also my beautiful boy Dave, and they really calmed me down. All i needed was a sanity check. I needed someone to listen to me so i could get it off my chest. And after 10 mins i felt great.

I was going to cancel my plans for Friday night. Because as much as it hurts i know that everyone will cancel. The sad part is that i acturally have to have an "Event" for my friends to get together and catch up.

The only reason i organised it was because i wanted to see my friends, and its like it doesnt matter to them which sucks. But the point it i was going to cancel, But then i realised if i cancelled it... I would be just as bad as those who cancelled on me....

Why should i cancel on my amazing girls who said yes and have stuck to their decision!
Thats not fair of me to do that.

So i am still going to have it on friday and i am going to have a good time with my friends, Im so glad that Dave, Sam, Jane and Donna spoke to me because i see it all so clear now.

Im hurt. But there is no point inflicting that on the ones who are there for me.
Im trying to get happy again.

I decided to cancel things this week, so that come next week i can start over.
So this week i am doing all the little things i need to get done.

*Finished my passport last night (Getting photo and Person to sign it on Monday).
*cleaned my room.
*Did the washine.
*Straightened the Lounge room.

Come next week i am going to get back into my routine, Work, Gym and holiday planning.
And i am going to say NO! no to all the things that dont matter. I need to! I think as long as i am always saying yes to my friends and events that gives them more reasons to cancel on me all the time.

So maybe i say no so that they might acturally see or catch up with me.
I have far to much on my mind anyways. (Not that they know it).

In someways writting is more a friend to me, it listens thats all i need... Heck if my journal could write back "its going to be ok" i think i would be set. Thats all i need is a bit of support.

Maybe thats to much? I dont know???
I dont see it as to much but maybe thats because i am the "Listener Role" i listen, People vent at me and i am suppose to listen but when its reveresed its not the same way...
I need it to be a 2 way street.

Thanks for listening :)
XOXO

*The best part of Believe is the Lie*

So the last 24 hours has been crap.

I have been on this rollercoaster and i am so sick of finally getting to the top when it takes so long only to be pushed back down to the ground.

I cant believe the crap people do to me.
Why am i a door mat to so many people. Just because i care that means they can treat me like crap?

Im finding it really hard to bother with forgivness, I think its time i cut the cord with many people. Im so sick of being the only person fighting for a "Friendship" when it is one sided.

Its not like i havent given people chances. But they just dont seem to care what they do to me.
Its ok to hurt me (Apparantly) but when i dont go running to their sides "there is something wrong with me" ...

No im just sick of being you punching bag. And OMG if i hear them say "If you need me, you know i am always here for you" one more time i might explode.. DONT say that when your NOT...

What ever your excuse is dont say you will do or be something if you know you wont be! SIMPLE, honest.... Less painful

The funny thing is those who have hurt me will simply just ignore me till they think i am forgotten....

*Let me out?*

So my little God son has decided he wants out of the belly and into the world.
Kylie started having contractions last night...

KYLIE: "Jason, if i didnt know any better i would swear im having contractions. I know i have never been pregnant but this must be a contraction".

JASON: "Dont be silly, you cant be having contractions your only 6 months".

KYLIE: "NO definatly contractions, Hospital now"

SO she is in hospital now and little Fred bear Jr isnt waiting. Looks like he will definatly be here int he next couple of days max.

Shes has needles to help the baby breath and heartbeat is going strong. He is kicking with a full WCE level thump.

Going back to the hospital tonight, Need to find Tiny jumpsuits. 3 months early.
I havent even thrown the baby shower yet!!!

OMG!!!!!!!