*And if you try to push me down, Im gonna spit in your eye and say... YOU CANT STOP THE BEAT*

So i finally understand how my mother felt all the years i was having trouble in school.
I use to get picked on alot and i always wished my mum would do something more but now i see that she couldnt.

As painful as it is i have to site by and watch my cousin go through all the drama fo bitchy teenagers and there games. The worst part is they seem to be getting worse as time goes on.

When i was younger it was name calling and losing friends and making you feel like crap. Then when i got to about 16 it was fighting. And now days peoples mothers are Helping bash kids.

I wish i could stop it happening but there isnt much i can do. My cousin was almost bashed at school today. The girls started on her and luckily the teacher came just in time.

I hate feeling so powerless.

*Its as easy as 123*

Things i need to learn:

1. Stop doing so much for other people.
2. Stop appologising for other peoples issues when i know they are not my fault.
3. Stop doing more than what is expected of me. (If everyone can be lazy so can i).
4. Start putting yourself first.
5. Stop Always going to people make people come to me.
6. Stop being the host, the cleaner and the counsillor.
7. Start focusing on my life and my goals.
8. Stop listening to peoples negitivity, If they are not there for me why should i be there for them?
9. Start accepting help.
10. Start accepting friendship offers, if they would accept from me, i can accept from them.
11. Start caring less about others and more about myself.

I need to learn how it feels to not have the anchor attached to my ankle. I need the freedom and space and kindness that i try to provide. I need to STOP!

*The way you make me feel*

So it has already started. News came in here about 6 hours ago that Michael Jackson has passed on.

It took less than 2 hours for people to stop caring and start the mockery. I swear if i see or hear another MJ joke or Pun about him i am going to scream.

I dont care who it is. If its a celebrity, a clown, a garbage man. When someone dies You dont MOCK THEM!

If someone you cared about or knew passed away right now how would you feel? You may not have liked him you may not have cared about him. But his family does.

I just dont see the need!.

*EUROTOURO*

ITS all happening at the moment.

Planning.
Scheduling.
looking up info and sites.
saving.
Buying.

EUROPE we are coming for you (And we are walking) :P

*In a Family Portrait, We look pretty "Happy"*

Havent been having the best week. And as positive as i have been acting, I am starting to crumble in the middle and fall apart.

I dont understand people and that upsets me, I try to understand but sometimes i just cannot agree with what they are saying. I have never been a follower and people telling me to do something just because "I SHOULD" doesnt make me want to learn or do it.

Ended up upsetting my dad last night. Seems i am upsetting people all the time OR more commonly they are guilt tripping me which really sucks.

I dont think family or friends should guilt trip you. I think thats just a low act to make you feel better and by them playing games you make me question who i am and what i am doing and i find myself appologising for other peoples issues and i really cant be bothered.

Sometimes i dont think people understand compassion and space. I wish things were black and white but they are not. Nothing in life is black and white, I cannot think that way. I cannot block out all the Gray that i have seen in life and just follow a group and pretend that its all ok?

And why should i? I dont think i should. I dont think i should have to deal with your insecurities when its aimed at me with a guilt trip.

So i have decided i am not going to say sorry for things i havent done wrong. I am not going to run after everyone and let them walk all over me. I am not going to be the social butterfly, the one that organises everything and the one trying to make everyone happy.

Because alot of the time my friends and family dont do this for me. They dont care if i am happy or well? They just like to bitch when i dont see them or havent done something. Well welcome to my world.

Between finding out who i am, working, growing up, cancer, death, illness and all the other things that have been happening in my life... Where were you?

"Im always here for you if you need me" ??? you cant just say those things. You cant just make yourself feel like your an awesome person and that your "There" for me when i need you, If you are not There for me at all...

I made my dad upset last night, and I HATE upsetting people, and i couldnt sleep and i feel like crap now. And you know what the funny yhing is i didnt do anything wrong. It was his regret from actions he had made and done yet i still feel guilt?

You know what im honest. We talk and ill tell you the truth. I didnt mean to upset you and i hate that i did but i cant change how you feel for actions you made.

I need to back away and not care so much about what happens. I need to step back from all the people who judge me or guilt me or annoy me.

I need people to care half as much as what i do!
-XoXo
Me

*I Never Knew Just What It Was About This Old Coffee Shop I Love So Much*

So I am really looking forward to tonight.
I am heading over to my Besties Place B-B-BOB'S house for a catch up :O)

I am bringing over some Stir fry mix and Me and Ela and her husband Phil (its still so weird to think that they are married hehe) Are going to have dinner :O)

I cant wait partly because i have not seen Ela in a while and i know she is having a bit of a hard time at the moment.

Because people suck, And are annoying and take their issues out on her. The joys of Friendships i suppose that sometimes her friends cant see her sinking as they lean on her.

Im looking forward to just chilling and talking, Just to see eachother will be awesome.
I have been trying to see my mates more often now that most of the crazy plans have stopped. Unfortunatly things never stop and they never slow down.

The Joys of life hey. I am falling more and more behind at the moment. But i will get back up soon. And a catch up with the Adley is just what i need.

Love Me
XoXo

*And in my dreams i say YES, Everytime*

Howdy Do,

So its Friday. OMG i love Fridays so much :) Mondays i dont like. Because that means work and work is evil.

Cant wait for today to be over, I am going out tonight so that will be nice :) Im going to see some mates which is always good times and some of my mates are going through some rellay rough times at the moment so i am glad i can see them and if they feel like talking i can be there.

Caught the train in to work today. I havent done that in about 7 months haha i use to do it everyday. I totally forgot how much time it saves.

I just read my book and was here already :O) And i am catching the train to Freo (the train stops is like 200 meters from my office AWESOME) after work to meet the girls :)

Neways i really hope work gets better next week people are being so silly but eh thats life i suppose.

Brought some really cute Mary-Jane heels last night i am not a shoe girl at all but these ones are cute as a button and they are suprisingly comfy for heels.

Shall see if i still agree with that statement by the end of the day tho haha. I think i will be complaining at my hurt feeties haha.

Going ice skating tonight so donno how that will go if my feet are already sore haha owells what can you do :OP

Neways i best love you and leave you with my random rant.
Much love

-Xoxo
Me

*Lets Trade Shoes*

So i wasnt a big fan at first of the new Eminem record, I really wanted to love it. Even tho i so dont fit the Image or a person who loves Rap. I have always been a fan.

Neways i wasnt happy about the cd but then i started to listen to it and now im hooked. Its not as good as his last albums but im still pretty happy with parts of it.

Really love the song Beautiful. Lyrics make a lot of sence. And makes me thing of some of my mates that have lived that kind of life.

Love me
-Xoxox

*Lets go Lakers*

So i have been getting back into my basketball and loving every minute of it. I use to be a die hard Pheonix suns fan as a kid because they had Charles Barkley and i thought he was the bees knees.

Then he left and went to jail and so on and i stopped the love. Mainly because in Australia we dont really get NBA on telly or anything cos its only huge in the states.

BUT hooray for One hd telly i can now watch it. And i can watch the boys The Lakers. And while ill admit i started following them because i am a big Kobe Bryant fan, iv started to get sucked in and love them all.

Cant wait to watch Game 3 of the finals so far its Lakers 2-0 and Magic 0-2 :)
(Sorry Magic fans).

Love me
-Xoxo

*Dont let em say you aint Beautiful*

Howdy Ho,

So turns out i have abandoned you again Blog spot i am rather sorry. So i was acturally going to delete my blog as i dont keep it updated but then the wonderful ELA also refered to the other crazy girl who dressed up like a bring mexican with me, got a blog so i think ill stick around :)

So whats new? so much is new! here are some happies...

*Lakers won game 1 of the finals (Go Kobe Go).
*WCE are playing better our rookies are stepping up.
*Princess D moved into a new pad.
*Janeth is coming with us to ROME!!! (YAY).

Thats about all off the top of my head right now.
so ill love you and leave you :)

-Xoxo Love me.